Make sure you are sharing from a place of wanting them to know this information because you are genuinely trying to get to know each other and not sharing compulsively. But once you're both starting to open up and share more parts of yourself, it's a good time to begin to share. So if all of your dates have been pretty surface-level so far, you don't need to sit them down and lay out your mental health history. You don't really need to discuss this type of thing until you're talking about more serious stuff in general. But I do think there are helpful guidelines. Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all. When starting a new relationship, when and how should you talk to your partner about your mental health? You don't need to be fighting nonstop with someone you've only known for three months. But I'm more talking about if you remove all the external stuff and the connection between the two people is taking a lot of work or there is a lot of fighting from the onset. Sometimes we meet people during difficult times in our lives, which can make growing a connection harder. If you're starting out a new relationship and it feels like trying to push a boulder uphill, that is maybe a signal you aren't super well-matched. To me, the difference lies in how long you have been together. I definitely think long-term relationships take a lot of hard work. Can you expand on that? Why is that old adage 'Relationships are hard work' perhaps misguided? You talk about how a new relationship shouldn't require a lot of heavy lifting it shouldn't feel hard. Both types are mentally exhausting and can majorly interfere with your relationship. In partner-focused ROCD, people tend to obsess over their partner's potential "failings." Are they smart enough? Are they good-looking enough? In relationship-centered ROCD, it is more an obsession with your own feelings about the relationship and if it is the "right" one for you or if you are in "real" love. ROCD can be partner-focused or relationship-centered. OCD manifests differently in everyone, but there are some common subsets, such as harm OCD, contamination OCD and relationship OCD. There really is no such thing as general OCD. What is ROCD and how does it differ from general OCD? That's OK so long as there remains a willingness to work on things and the presence of mutual respect. Relationships ebb and flow, and you aren't going to feel the same day to day or even moment to moment. I also think an adult perspective allows us to not feel pressured to always feel passionate or even attracted to our partner. Your partner doesn't know how to be the best partner for you unless you tell them. In reality, we have to learn how to be in partnership with each other. ![]() Raskin: I think we are taught to believe by the media that "true love" means that when you meet the "right" person, they instantly understand all your wants and needs and you are attracted to them 24/7. You discuss having an 'adult perspective on how healthy relationships work.' What does that look like? In this exclusive interview with Giddy, Raskin discussed relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD), why a brand-new relationship shouldn't feel difficult, when to have "the talk" about your mental health with a new partner, and a healthy approach to sexual issues.Įditor's note: This interview has been edited for length and clarity. ![]() In addition to sharing her personal journey of dating while living with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), the pages of "Overthinking About You" contain valuable insight from clinical psychologists, a psychiatrist, a sexologist, relationship experts and real-life couples. She wants you to know you're not alone as you navigate romantic relationships and mental illness. ![]() Raskin co-hosts the long-running podcast " Just Between Us," runs the popular Emotional Support Lady Instagram account and is currently getting a graduate degree in psychology from Pepperdine University. "I have been guilty of every 'crazy girl' stereotype out there," writes Allison Raskin in the opening chapter of her deeply personal memoir and self-help guide, " Overthinking About You: Navigating Romantic Relationships When You Have Anxiety, OCD and/or Depression."
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